August 01, 2006

I... I will Survive (Survivor: Parody Style)

by Nick

The hardest part of finding a song to write a parody of is... wait... I screwed that up.

It's hard to find the right song. Some perfect songs are too short (Down Under, by Men at Work)... and some easy songs are just a little too gay (Part of Your World, the Little Mermaid).

The perfect song, of course, is Piano Man. Mostly because I know all the words, but also because it rocks. As for the topic, how can I write a law school parody about something other than 1L life?

So, without further ado, my uplifting song of hope for the 1Ls, sung to the tune of Piano Man, by Billy Joel.... Is... This Song... Called... Ummm.... "The 1L Song." (Oh, that's just terrible):

(Piano noises...Then some Harmonica...)

The first thing you'll learn as a 1L is
You’re not in undergrad, anymore;
Law School Barbie is the archetype,
As she brags about her LSAT score.

She says, “Have you heard that I got a 170?”
I say, “No, but I know you're renowned
‘Cause I’ve heard that you drank, like an undergrad skank
Here, the rumors, like you, get around.”

Chorus
(It should say) Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here
Instead of The Truth Sets you Free.
Just pretend that you care about precedent,
Long enough to earn your law degree

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da dum

Now learning the law’s not for everyone
As many 1L’s will agree
But the money that’s waiting keeps students debating
Until they sign with V&E

So in three years you’ll be earning six figures,
And your fortune will be justified.
Yes they’ll pay you for being an asshole
But that’s not for you to decide

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da dum

Now problems arise for the 1Ls
Who come to law school with a mate
Because most leave their lovers to shack with another
1L with whom they can relate

All your new friends make jokes about negligence
And argue about rights guaranteed
And though you’ll feel really clever, your old friends will never
Get your puns about I.I.E.D.

Chorus
(It should say) Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here
Instead of "The Truth Sets you Free."
Just pretend that you care about precedent,
Long enough to earn your law degree

It’s Thanksgiving tradition for law students,
To be nauseous, but not from the food,
'Cause the time that you feared grows uncomfortably near
And you realize just how bad you’re screwed.

And the outlines are sought out like heroin
(And they’ll come with a similar fee)
And you’ll rip pages from books and stuff outlines in crooks
In the bathroom, to cheat while you pee

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da dum

Chorus
(It should say) Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here
Instead of The Truth Sets you Free.
Just pretend that you care about precedent,
Long enough to earn your law degree

August 1, 2006 11:28 PM | TrackBack
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